The Stainless Steel Rat Gets Drafted ssr-7 Read online

Page 23


  “Keep going!” I shouted hoarsely. “We’re not out of the cagal yet. No one stops until we get to the woods. Go! Go! Last one there is a cagal-kopfl”

  We went. Pedaling and cursing and sweating and wobbling—but we went. Down the road and into the forest, off into the lanes to skid and fall and crash and roll;

  on the soft green grass.

  “Can we not—do that again!” Morton gasped, lying on his back and moaning.

  “I don’t know, Mort, I thought it was kind of fun. You ought to get more exercise.”

  He sat up and looked where I was looking, and stopped m moaning. The real girls’ club had arrived, a symphony oi lovely flesh and flowing movements, tossed hair, flashing eyes. And picnic baskets.

  When the first beer was held high a ragged cheer broke out. The army was only a bad memory; freedom was bliss. This was the first day of the rest of their new lives and if it stayed like this—why paradise was here around us.

  I joined in the revelry but my heart wasn’t really in it, my smile false. Through some native perversion, an inability to enjoy pure happiness, all I could think of was Zennor and what repulsive,tricks he would be up to when he discovered that about half of his army had vanished for good.

  Chapter 27

  There were groans and cries of protest when I ordered my bevy of enchanting beauties to their feet.

  “Knock it offl” I commanded sternly. “We’re still on schedule and if you want to get out of this alive you will obey orders. When I say frog you will jump.” I waited until the chorus of croaking, and other froghke imitations, had died down before I spoke again.

  “We have about another half hour of riding to go. And before you groan remember that these sweet young girls, who have risked their lives to save us, must ride with us—then circle all the way back to the city by another road. And lest we forget, let’s hear it for the girls!” The chorus of yells, thanks, cheers—and not a few kisses rolled out. I had to whistle for attention before it died down.

  “Here is the drill. We are now going to go to a factory that has a railroad siding. A freight train from the north will be arriving when we do. We board and we’re away. There will be no stops until we are far from the city. Now—mount up! Forward—H.o-o!”

  There was silence during the ride, because my gallant bikers were feeling the strain. There was some panic when a chopper came swooping up, but I ordered male heads down—girls to wave and smile. It worked fine and there were no more alarms after this. As we rounded the last bend to approach the kakalaka factory we heard the wail of the train’s horn. The line of freight cars was just clattering into the siding when we appeared.

  “Open the doors!” I ordered. “Get in before another chopper shows up. Take your bikes—they’ll be debited from your future accounts—wave bye-bye and blow lasses because we are off in one minute.”

  I turned to thank Neebe, the gorgeous, brown-limbed redhead who was president of the cycling club, but she was just passing on the club flag to her second-in-command. Then she wheeled her bik"e toward me, smiling a smile that melted my bike handles.

  “May I be very forward, ofiworlder James diGriz, and force my presence upon you? You have but to say no and I will go.”

  “Glug …I”

  “I assume that means yes.” She entered the freight car, propped her bicycle against mine, and sat down daintily upon a bale of hay. “You are very kind. Up until today I have been attending school here in Bellegarrique but now, like everyone else, I am leaving. My home is on a farm in the north in a hamlet named Ling. I have talked with my father and mother,, brothers and sisters, and grandmother, and they would all be honored if you would stay with us for as long as you wished.”

  I knew that Morton had been listening because his face went completely green and he began to pout. “I would be honored, honored. What a wonderful idea!” She smiled, then her expression changed to one of shock when she saw Morton’s face. “Is your friend ill?’

  “No.” I sighed with generosity. “It is just that he has no place to go and is hoping that you will invite him too.”

  “Of course!”

  The green tint vanished instantly and he smiled sheepishly. “I accept with gratitude. But just for a short time. Until I can get in touch with a friend of mine named Sharia.”

  “Oh, you do remember her,” I said sweetly, and he glared at me as soon as Neebe had turned away.

  Once we began to relax it was a pleasant journey. The roadbed was flat, the train swift. After an hour we knew that we were well clear of the city and all the enemy lurking there. The hay bales were broken open, the tired ex-girls, using their padded bras for pillows, slept. It was nearly dark when we made the first stop. Hampers of food and drink were loaded aboard and we were away within the minute. We ate, drank, and fell asleep once again. I awoke to the gentle touch of a soft hand on my shoulder. “We are here,” Neebe said. “I must awaken your friend,” Lights were moving by outside the open door as the train squealed to a stop. We climbed down and our bikes were handed after us. Followed by glad cries and shouts of farewell we mounted and followed Neebe down the high-

  way, out of town, and to the family farm. The road was smooth and easy to see, A magnificent nebula haiffilled the sky and bathed us in a cool white light.

  “Even if I could go back to Nevenkebia I never would,” Morton panted.

  “You have family there. “

  “I’ll miss them—but I won’t miss the draft, the army, the military, the intolerance…”

  He gasped for air and I nodded agreement. “Understood. This planet has a lot going for it. Though I still don’t understand’all the permutations oflM it seems to be working. But all is not peace and light yet. Let us not forget Zennor.” Morton groaned. “I would love to.”

  Next morning it looked as though the entire family was standing around and beaming down upon us. While the ladies of the house fought to see how many eggs, wiffles and other gustatory goodies they could force upon us. We fought hottorably to do our best. Groaning we finally pushed away from the table while the audience went off to work on the farm.

  “That was very good,” Morton said. “That was very wonderful,” I amplified.

  “Both meals already deducted from your account,” Neebe smiled, handing me back my wirrdisc. “I added an order to transfer payment to Morton’s account when it is opened.”

  “I love IM hospitality,” I said. “It is personal without being financial. I want to learn more about your world.”

  “I will be happy to tell you anything you want to know,” she said with that sa,me endearing smile. What were these warm sensations that coursed through my body? I forgot them instantly as her smile faded. “But we will have to talk about it later. Right now I think you should see the TV. We recorded a broadcast made earlier this morning.” It had to be Zennor—5nd it had to be bad news. I watched grimly as the screen lit up and a blast of martial music assaulted my ears. Troops marched, tanks rumbled by, guns ‘fired. A recording undoubtedly; I recognized Mortstertoro base in the background. I suppose the sight of all this might was supposed to strike terror into the hearts of the viewers. I knew them well enough now to understand that they would just be puzzled at the waste of all this material and manpower for no observable reasonable purpose. I turned down the sound until the last tank had ground by, the last jet roared its last roar. The screen cleared and the familiar and loathsome features appeared.

  “We are mighty, we are invincible—and we will prevaill” Zennor was coldly angry now. “I have been kind to your people. I have even been generous to my own misled soldiers. No more. I have shown you kindness because I am a kind man. Now I will teach you fear because my rule will not be mocked. You have aided and abetted deserters from our army—who are now under instant penalty of death. You must be aiding them because not one—not one of them took advantage of my kind offer of amnesty. Nor have any of them been found in this city. They could not have escaped without aid. Therefore the people of Bel
legarrique are guilty of treason, of aiding traitors and deserters, and they will pay for their crimes. I speak to you now, you inhabitants of the rest of this country. The citizens of Bellegarrique know of their guilt for they are attempting to flee my wrath. This city ‘is almost deserted now as they crawl away like the cowardly vermin that they are. But not all of them have escaped. I have seized and imprisoned hundreds of these traitors. I did this once before and my requests were granted. I was kind and generous and released the prisoners. I will not be as kind this time—or as easy to please. Here are my demands—and they will be met.

  “Firstly, I want every escaped deserter returned to this city. I will not inflict the death penalty but will– enlist them instead in penal, hard-labor battalions. I said that I was a merciful man.

  “Secondly, I demand that all of the services of this city be restored, electricity and public utilities, and the food markets must be reopened. This will be done. I want to see people returning today, I want the normal life of this city to be as it was when we arrived, I want the deserters turned over to the military police. You will do this, and begin doing it now. ”

  He paused dramatically, then pointed his finger directly at the camera.

  “You will do it because in one day from now I will shoot ten of the prisoners. I will shoot these first ten no matter what you do, as an object lesson that I mean what I say. I will shoot ten of them the next day and, ten again the day after that if my orders are not obeyed. If my orders are obeyed the shooting will stop. But it will begin again whenever I feel that my desires are being thwarted.” That was it. That was all. And it certainly was enough. The screen went blank and I found myself staring at Morton with nothing at all to say.

  “There are rare cases of insanity like that here,” Neebe said. “Gene changes not caught in prenatal examination. He is insane, isn’t he? These things that he says he will do—they are unpossible. He won’t, really have innocent people killed?”

  I was too ashamed of the human race to look at her, to answer her questions. Morton did; he was angry.

  “Yes, he will, that is the worst part. I grew up with his land of people in charge ofmy life. Believe me, he will do it.”

  “Then what can we do to stop him?”

  “That is an almost unanswerable question,” I said. “You can’t force the deserters to undesert. Knowing IM you wouldn’t even think of asking them. And I don’t know what they will do voluntarily. If you had a government they could deal with Zennor, come up with some workable compromise perhaps. But he still hasn’t realized that there is no central government to meet with. The future does not bear thinking about.”

  “But we have to think about it,” Morton said, with a cold grimness I had never seen before. “Zennor must be killed. There is no other way.”

  “No!” Neebe said. “That is a hideous suggestion. This problem is so strange, so awful, that it would take the wisdom of Mark Forer itself to solve it.”

  “Maybe, maybe,” I muttered. “But I feel that what is happening here is well beyond even the mighty capacities of that long-gone brain to solve.”

  “Nothing was ever beyond Mark Forer,” she said with calm and unshakable belief. It angered me. It was like calling in the deity of your choice as you fell oS the cliff, begging for aid. Praying for a heavenly hand that would never, never swoop down from the sky to save you.

  “That is just an opinion, your opinion. And to me it sounds more like blind faith than intelligent thought. We have to work this out ourselves because Mark Forer is long gone, rusted away. It can’t help us now.”

  “Mark Forer could help us,” she said with calm unrea-

  son. “But of course we could never ask. That is a basic tenet of IM. We must solve our problems for ourselves. Everything we need to know is in the writings that it gave us.”

  “You are just jollying yourself along. You could ask, but you won’t. That is a way out. You can’t ask because it is not around to ask.”

  “That is not true,” she said sweetly, smiling warmly upon my ill humor. “Mark Forer is in Bellegarrique, where it always has been.”

  I have known stoppers in my day. But this was the whopper topper stopper. I stared speechlessly at Morton. If I looked like he did then my jaw was hanging open, my eyes were popping and I was gurgling like an idiot, Neebe smiled warmly upon us and waited impatiently until we got reglued and were able to speak again. I sputtered first. “Mark Forer… gone… thousands of years ago…”

  “Why? Essentially an artificial intelligence must be immortal. I suppose bits and pieces get replaced as they wear out, but the intelligence will remain the same. Or grow. We have always been immensely pleased that Mark Forer saw fit to accompany us to this world. We sincerely hope that it watches and approves of the way we practice IM. But of course we would never consider asking it for aid. ”

  “Well I would,” I said, climbing to my feet. “I certainly would ask for help without a moment’s hesitation. Mark Four’s social theories are about to get a lot of people shot dead. So that cold artificial intelligence had better have some answers how to arrange it so that they don’t.”

  “But you will have to go back to Bellegarrique to dig Mark Four out,” Morton said. I nodded grim agreement. ’ “I was hoping you wouldn’t say that just yet. But, yes, Morton old friend. I’ve got to find where our great electronic leader lives and search it out. And there better be some ready answers.”

  Chapter 28

  “Do you know where Mark Forer plugs in?” I asked Neebe. She shook her head.

  “Not physically. It is just known, understood, that Mark Forer came with us and aided in the design of the city of Bellegarrique. And never left it.”

  “Well someone has to know.” I thought hard, then snapped my fingers. “Our old friend, Stimer, he should have that vital bit of info. One of the top men in the world of electricity. And if he doesn’t know he will surely know someone who does know. Do you have any idea of how I can contact him?”

  “The telephone is over there.”

  “Thanks, Neebe, but I don’t have his number or the slightest idea where he is staying or anything.”

  “But no one has a number. And it doesn’t matter where he is staying. Just call CD and ask for him.”

  “CD?”

  “Central Directory. Here, I’ll get it for you.” She tapped the keypad and the screen lit up with NAME, PLEASE? in large letters. Very polite. Very efficient. I tip my hat to the man or machine that wrote this software. I answered four questions and the screen changed to RINGING. The letters faded and Stirner’s grim face appeared on the screen. He smiled faintly when he saw me, but he had obviously been watching the broadcast too.

  “Ahh, good ofiplanet friend Jim. I hope that you are well. Can I do you a service?”

  “You certainly can, good dynamo supervising friend Stirner, I would like to have a chat with your demigod, Mark Forer.”

  “A strange choice of terms. I would certainly not refer to it as a demi . -. .”

  “Then forget the term. Do you know where Mark Forer is?”

  “Of course.”

  “Will you take me to it?”

  “Ahh, now that is a question that needs some thought. Mark Forer’s individualism has always been respected, for all the obvious reasons. I do remember reading in the historical records that after this city was founded it did make suggestions and was occasionally consulted. But not lately, not in, hundreds of years at least. I would not go to it myself, but, yes, I feel that I can take you. I respect your individualism just as I respect Mark Forer’s. We must each make our own way -in this world.”

  “And I am going to make my way back into the city.”

  “You must be careful. It will not be easy. The trains have stopped running and citizens are being forcefully stopped from leaving. At last report no one was returning.”

  “I’ll think of something. You are still in the city?”

  “Yes.”

  “Stay near the phone. I’ll
get there today. I must talk to Mark before Zennor’s deadly deadline runs out tomorrow morning. ”

  I hung up and looked blankly into space. I could see no answers hanging out there. “Any advice, Morton?”

  “None that makes any sense. Like being a returned deserter. ”

  “Like you, that idea I considered and rejected. That would just get me back in jail and shot.”

  “Mav I mairp a <:iifflTf” laid

  “All aid greatly desired.”

  “I will take you to the city. You will go as my father. We have a wonderful theatre group here in Ling and our makeup department is quite famous. You could be an old man, I could be your daughter and driver. It would be so exciting.”

  “You’re wonderful!” I jumped to my feet and, in a fit of mad enthusiasm seized her and kissed her. Then I sat down quickly again as the hormones started humming and driving all other thoughts from mind. She was an incredibly bright, lovely, intelligent, beautiful girl and I was just going to have to forget all Shout that. For the time being. “We better get started.”

  “My brother will take you to the theatre. I will phone them and arrange what must be done. Then I will make the transportation arrangements. You do not mind if I say .that I find this fascinating and exciting as well. I must thank you for letting me help. It is so much more fun than school.”

  “The thanks are mine. What do you study in school?”

  “Vulcanology. I just love the magma and the scoria, then when you go down thefumerole…”

  “Yes. You must tell me of those burning pleasures. Later. ”

  “Of course—there is my brother now.”

  I think that it was a special train that they laid on. Just two cars and no other passengers. Morton looked guilty—but glad as well that he wasn’t going back to Bellegarrique. I waved him a stiff goodbye with my cane and climbed shakily aboard. I was ancient and crochety and needed practice. Gray beard, rheumy red eyes, wrinkled like an old boot, they had really done a great job at the theatre. A harness under my clothes had me bent over so far that I was staring down at my wrinkled and liverspotted hands.

 

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