The Technicolor Time Machine Read online

  “Anger? No, Barney, that’s over. I should apologize for losing my temper like that. I see things in a totally different perspective now.”

  Barney smiled broadly. “That’s the best news yet. I admit you had me bugged a good bit, Jens. I even brought a peace offering, though Dallas is the one who got it and asked me to bring it to you.”

  “My goodness,” Jens said, opening the package and taking out the length of notch-edged, flattened wood. “What is it?”

  “A bullroarer, Cape Dorset brand. They were spinning them when they attacked Ottar’s camp.”

  “Of course, that’s what it is.” Jens took a thick book from the table near his head. “How very nice of you to think of me, and you must extend my thanks to Dallas when you see him. You know, a few of the people from the company have dropped in on me, and I’ve heard a good deal about everything that happened after I left. In fact I have been reading about it as well.” He pointed to the book and Barney looked puzzled.

  “These are the Icelandic Sagas, in the original Old Norse in which they were written. Of course most of them were just verbal history for about two hundred years, before they were transcribed, but it is amazing how accurate they can be. If I might read you a bit from the ‘Thorfinn Karlsefni Saga’ and ‘The Greenlanders Story.’ Here… ‘At the end of this time a great multitude of skraelling was discovered coming from the south like a river of boats… They had staves waving counter-sunwise and were all uttering loud cries.’ The staves must have been the bullroarers such as this one.”

  “Do you mean that Ottar—Thorfinn—and everything that happened to him is in these sagas?”

  “Everything. Of course parts are missing and it is a bit confused, but two hundred years of word of mouth is a long time. But his voyage, the building of the settlement, the attack of the skraelling—even the ice cream and the bull that frightened them on the first visit—it’s all in here.”

  “Does it say what—finally happened to him?”

  “Well it is obvious from the fact that the reports were recorded that he lived to return to Iceland or to pass on the story of his adventures to other Norse who came that way. There are different versions of his later life, but all agree on his prosperity and long and happy life.”

  “Good for Ottar, he deserves it. Did you know that Slithey went back to him?”

  “The Gudrid of the sagas, of course. I read an item in the paper about it.”

  “Yes, it was obvious her press agent didn’t write it. Something about retiring from films to be with the only man I love and the sweetest baby in the world, on his ranch, which, while the plumbing isn’t very good, is very nice and friendly, with plenty of fresh air.”

  “That was it.’”

  “Poor Slithey. I wonder if she has any idea where—or when—that ranch is?”

  Jens smiled. “It doesn’t really matter, does it?”

  “You’re right about that.”

  Jens took a Xerox copy from the back of the book. “I’ve been saving this for you, in case you came by. One of my students ran across it and thought it might amuse me. It’s a copy of an item from the New York Times, 1935 I believe.”

  “Disturbance upsets meeting,” Barney read. “Congress of the Archeological Society disrupted when two attendees scuffled in the anteroom… Threats of suit for slander… claims that Dr. Perkins attempted a hoax by presenting the fragment of a glass bottle, claiming that be found it in a Norse middenheap in Newfoundland. Declared a fraud because this particular form has never been associated with any of the northern cultures, it appears to be too well made and in fact resembles the shape of container used by a well-known proprietary brand of American bourbon whiskey.…”

  Barney smiled and handed the paper back. “Looks like Ottar has had some trouble getting rid of his empties.” He rose. “I hate to run off like this, but I’m already late for the meeting.”

  “Just one more item before you go. In these sagas a name keeps cropping up, a man who seems to have had an influencing factor on the Vinland settlements. He appears in all the sagas, is supposed to have been on one or more voyages and even to have sold the boat to Thorfinn that he used to make his journey to Vinland.”

  “I know, that must be—what’s his name—Thorvald Eriksson—the guy Ottar got his boat from.”

  “No that’s not his name. It’s Bjarni Herjolfsson.”

  “That’s very interesting, Jens, but I really do have to run now.”

  Barney was out in the street before he realized what Barney Hendrickson might sound like after the Vikings had passed it on by word of mouth for two hundred years.

  “They even wrote a part in for me!” he gasped.

  “Go right in, Mr. Hendrickson,” Miss Zucker said and she even smiled slightly. She was the perfect barometer and Barney knew that his stock was soaring in Climactic.

  “We were waiting for you,” L.M. said when he came in. “Have a cigar.”

  Barney took it and put it into his breast pocket as he nodded around at the others.

  “How do you like it?” L.M. asked, pointing to the stuffed tiger’s head on the wall. “I got the rest home making a rug.”

  “Greatest,” Barney said. “But I never saw a tiger like that before.” The head was almost a yard long and two immense canine teeth, each twelve inches or more, protruded down below the lower jaw.

  “It’s a sword-tooth tiger,” L.M. said proudly.

  “Are you sure you don’t mean saber-tooth?”

  “So? A saber is a kind of sword, isn’t it? Those two stunt men, what’s their names? gave it to me. They are running some kind of safaris, hunting, you know, and Climactic is getting a percentage of the gross for no investment at all except they use some of our equipment.”

  “Very nice,” Barney said.

  “Which is enough,” L.M. said, rapping on the desk with his gold lighter. “I’m as sociable as the next guy, maybe better, but we have some work to do. We have to plan at once, immediately, to follow up the smash success of Viking Columbus with an even more smashing success and that is what we are here to decide about today. Just before you came in, Barney, Charley Chang commented that religious pictures are swinging up on the charts again.”

  “I wouldn’t doubt it,” Barney said, then sat bolt upright. “L.M., no…”

  But L.M. was smiling and not listening. “And that,” he said, “gives me an idea for the absolutely infinitive religious picture of all time, a theme that positively cannot miss!”

  Footnotes

  1

  “Coward!”

  (<< back)

  2

  “May the trolls take you all!” (A pre-Christian equivalent of “Damn you!”)

  (<< back)

  3

  “What is your name?”

  (<< back)

  4

  “Poison!”

  (<< back)

  5

  “Odin and Frigg.” (King and Queen of the Norse gods.)

  (<< back)

  6

  “Where are you, dogs? Come out!”

  (<< back)

  7

  “Ho, my friend! You shall drink with me!”

  (<< back)

  8

  “Ale!”

  (<< back)

  9

  “Drink!”

  (<< back)

  10

  “Yes, very good,”

  (<< back)

  11

  “Jens—come here!”

  (<< back)

  12

  Suicide.

  (<< back)

  13

  Evil spirits.

  (<< back)

  14

  Stop! (You, plural.)

  (<< back)

  15

  “Drink!”… “and welcome to the Orkney Islands.”

  (<< back)

  16

  An Old Norse term of insult that can be translated as “mad-dog” but is closer in meaning to the German Schweinhund.

  (<< back)r />
  17

  Barbarians. Specially used about the natives of Greenland and North America.

  (<< back)

  18

  “Come on! The last bit of work.”

  (<< back)

  19

  “Ale!” … “Pork, ale and cheese!”

  (<< back)

  20

  “Great Odin!”

  (<< back)

  21

  “Axes, swords!”

  (<< back)

  22

  Old friend.

  (<< back)

  23

  “Good-bye.”

  (<< back)

  FB2 document info

  Document ID: fbd-022ff2-df6b-cd4b-5fb7-c263-576c-29732c

  Document version: 1.1

  Document creation date: 28.07.2011

  Created using: Fiction Book Designer, FictionBook Editor Release 2.6 software

  Document authors :

  Verdi1

  Document history:

  v.1.1 (2011-09-18 Verdi1) — added two diagrams (taken from Polish edition); minor copyediting.

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