The Stainless Steel Rat Go's To Hell Read online

  "Come now, diGriz, do I look that stupid? Your wife? Your Angellna-and you call her That Woman."

  He saw the expression on my face, turned and ran. Down a path of broken crystal through the magic forest. And I was right behind him and gaining.

  But he knew where he was going. Running-then stopping, looking down, shuffling sideways. I reached for him. Just as he vanished. Saved by himself, pulled out of this universe.

  I was very much alone. Stranded on an alien planet in an alien universe. And not for the first time. I tried to cheer myself up with the thought that I had been in Hell and had come back.

  "You'll do it again, Jim. You always win. You're the original good guy and good guys always win."

  Thus cheered, I looked around. The crystal forest glinted in the sunlight; nothing moved in the warm silence. The path of broken shards led away from the clearing. Where it went to I had no idea. I walked slowly down the path beneath the glass foliage. It turned and skirted the edge of the cliff now. There was water below, stretching away to the horizon. Off to the left, in the direction the path led, there were some offshore islands. Above me crystalline branches reached out over the water; waves were breaking over the rocks below. There was scud on the water, foam roiling and surging.

  I stopped. Slakey was gone and I was very much alone. This was not a very nice thought and I rejected it. It would just be a matter of time, that's all. Captain Grissle and his marines would have the machine disconnected by now and rushed to that dear genius Coypu. Who would analyze and measure and operate the thing to come and find me. I hoped.

  What next? Alone in this crystalline universe was very alone indeed. I smiled at the thought and started to laugh. At what? Nothing was funny. I shook my head, suddenly dizzy.

  "Oxygen-lots of it," I said aloud to reassure myself.

  There was no reason at all that the atmosphere on this alien planet should match the atmospheres of the terraformed and settled planets. Quite the opposite, if anything. Slakey was obviously seeking out and visiting worlds where humans could live and breathe. I held my breath for a bit, then breathed shallowly. The oxygen high died away and I looked around at the glass forest-with the trampled path through it. The path that now led along the cliff edge. Should-I really follow it? I was not used to indecision, so was undecided about it.

  But it really was decision time. My trip to Hell had proven that there was a cartographic coordination between leaving and arriving positions when flitting between universes. Sybil and I had arrived in that cave-and gone back from it. So should I go back to the place where I had arrived? Or try to find out more about Glass?

  "The answer to that one is obvious, diGriz," I said to myself. I believed in taking advice from someone very intelligent whom I trusted. "Sit on your chunk and wait to be rescued. And quietly die of thirst and/or starvation. Get moving and find out more about this place. For openers-is that ocean fresh water or is it loaded with chemicals? Or is the liquid really water? Go forth and investigate."

  I went. Along the glass-sharded path. Happy that the soles of my shoes were made of seringera, an elastic compound that is supposed to be as strong as steel. It had better be.

  The crystalline trees were higher along the coast, with meadowlike areas of bluish grass between them. I came around a bend in the path and in the middle of the next meadow was the statue of a glass animal.

  Up to this point I had just accepted the presence of crystalline growths. Too much bad happened since I arrived here to question the landscape. I did not query their existence; they just were. Maybe natural mineral structures, or perhaps some living creature like coral had secreted them.

  Or had all of this been made by some incredible artist? The orange and yellow little creature in the field certainly was a work of art. Glassy fur covered it, each hair separate and clear. The open mouth had two rows of tiny and precisely formed teeth. I looked beneath the tree next to it and jumped back.

  An animal, twice as big as I was, stood poised to jump. Unmoving. I relaxed. Admired the knifelike teeth with their serrated edges; giant claws stretched out from each foot. Glass grass crunched underfoot when I walked closer to it. Looked up and admired the artistic construction. The thing's eyes were on a level with mine and were certainly most realistically formed.

  Particularly since they were moving ever so slowly to look at me.

  These creatures were alive!

  I went back and bent over the smaller one, the hunted. Yes one foot was definitely lower, the one on the other side raised a fraction.

  I wasn't looking at sculpture or artifacts. I was in a world of slow-moving crystalline life.

  "Well why not?" I reassured myself. "You're not mad, Jim, you have just finally used your exquisite powers of observation to observe what should have been obvious from the first."

  I tried to remember my chemistry. Glass was neither basically a liquid nor a solid when in a disordered state. And wasn't water glass a liquid? As we are carbon based, so-there could be-there certainly were!-life-forms based on silicon. There would surely be some exotic chemical compositions and reactions involved. But all around me was living proof that it could happen.

  With the side of my shoe I cleared away enough broken fragments from the path to make a space to sit down. I rested my chin on my arms, braced on my kneecaps, held the position as long as I could.

  Yes-the two animals were moving. Slow metabolism and slow life. Entropy obviously moved at a different speed here, at least with these glass creatures. Too bad I couldn't stay and see who won the race. Maybe if I came back in a day or two I would find out. But exploring had better take precedent over sight-seeing; it was hot and I was already beginning to feel thirsty.

  The path along the cliff edge was dropping down towards the ocean below, until it eventually ended on a glassy beach. With all the fancy glass this planet sure had great sand. The water-if it were water-was clearer here. It was a tidal sea and the tide was going out. Ahead, in a finger of eroded rock, were sparkling tide pools. I went and bent over the first one-and something scurried into a crack. It wasn't the only thing living in the pool. Tiny fishlike creatures with trailing appendages flitted away from my shadow. And they didn't look like glass. They were living in the water, which maybe wasn't water.

  "Try it, Jim, you might like it," I advised myself. I scooped up a handful and sniffed. Smelled like water. Took a drop on my fingertip and touched my tongue to it hesitantly. Water.

  Slightly tangy-but still water. I sipped a bit of it and it went down well with no obvious ill effects.

  But that would be enough for now. That tang could be anything-and I wasn't terribly thirsty yet. I would wait and see if there were any bad reactions. I walked on along the beach towards the small islands just offshore. These were little more than sandbars. There were larger ones, also green and farther out, but these were close enough to see in some detail. There was growth of some kind on them. Green, unlike the crystalline forest and plants. Chlorophyll? Why not-anything was possible. Water and possibly food. Things were beginning to look up.

  They looked like bushes-and something was moving in them...Not the wind, there was scarcely any to speak of.

  Living creatures? Animals of some kind? Edible or intelligent? I would settle for either or both. I strode Out knee-deep in the sea towards the closest one. The water was very shallow and I might be able to reach it without swimming.

  "Hello!" I called out. "Anyone there? I am a kind and peaceloving stranger from far away and mean you no harm. Mi vidas yin. Diru min-parolas Esperanto?"

  The figure moved out of the shade, waved and called out.

  "About time you showed up."

  "Angelina!"

  CHAPTER 11

  I WAS PARALYZED BY JOY, petrified by pleasure. Standing stock-still, shouting her name aloud. Smiling foolishly while she waved and blew me a kiss.

  Then she dived into the water, being far more practical than I was and not just standing there shouting and waving. A half dozen
strong strokes and she rose up out of the water beside me like a goddess from the sea. Damp and solid with her clothing dripping wet and in my arms. Laughing aloud with pleasure, kissing me with an excess of loving enthusiasm.

  Forced to stop from lack of breath, still holding to each other, not wanting to be separated.

  "You feel all right-feel great," I finally said. "You are all right, aren't you?"

  "Couldn't be better, particularly now with you here. Bolivar and James-?"

  "They're the same. We've all been working hard to find you. I won't lie to you and say we weren't worried. I'm sure that you can well imagine our feelings."

  "I certainly can! But you got here so fast. It hasn't been much time at all. How long have I been away? It can't be more than two, maybe three days at the most. The days are so short here that it is hard to tell."

  We started back to the beach. I shook my head. "You were here only a few days-from your point of view. I'm glad of that because that means that you didn't have much of a chance to really get worried. But we are beginning to find out that time seems to move at a different rate in each different universe. Different entropy rate, that's what Professor Coypu says."

  "I don't understand-different rates? And different universes?"

  "That is what this whole thing appears to be about. Slakey has found a way of moving between these universes. So while only a few days went by here for you-it has been well over a month that has gone by since you vanished. I'll tell you in great detail what fascinating things have gone on during that time, but first, please, what happened to you?"

  She was no longer smiling. "I made a mistake, Jim, and I'm so sorry that I got everyone all worried and involved. I thought I could do this on my own. I really thought that the Heaven thing that the other girls believed in was all some kind of crooked scam. And I know all about crooks and scams. Master Fanyimadu seemed such a greasy slimeball I never thought he would react like he did-~or that he would be helped by his twin brother..."

  "Wait, my love-please start again, and from the beginning-I beg of you. Sit beside me in the sand, that's right, arms entwined. Big kiss or two, right. Now from the very beginning if you will. All I know about what happened is that message you left for me in my computer."

  "I was pretty cocky when I recorded it. Rowena and all the other girls were so excited about seeing Heaven that, I, well, wanted to see for myself. It took a good deal of convincing-as well as a lot of money-to set up the trip. I didn't want go unarmed so I had my gun, a grenade or two, the normal items.

  I planned to take a look at Heaven-then find out what kind of con job Fanyimadu was playing. But it never got that far. We met him at the temple and he gave us a theological pep talk, then told us that it was time to go. He took us by the hands and Rowena and I were following him when there was some kind of movement, some kind of thing happening, I can't describe it."

  "Neither can I. It's the going through or over or to a different universe."

  "Then you'll know what I mean. But it ended suddenly and we were still in the temple when this stranger appeared, looked just like Fanyimadu, and was shouting some kind of warning and pointing at me. Well, you understand, I just worked by reflex then-"

  "Reflex involved a certain amount of gunfire, some explosions, a little self-defense?"

  "Of course, you know how it is. Rowena was screaming and fainting, I was knocked down, but I still did plenty of damage you will be happy to hear. Then, I don't know how it happened, we were here in this crystal world, the three of us. The two men and me. They ignored me; one of them seemed to be hurt and the other was bandaging him. I was just diving towards them when they were gone. Just like that. Bang. When I found myself alone I, well, just looked around."

  "Was anyone else here?"

  "No one that I could see. It was lonely of course, and I missed you, and it was sort of frightening and depressing at first. But that was easy enough to ignore once I started exploring. There was really nothing else that I could do, I followed that broken-glass path to the ocean-isn't this the most incredible place you have ever been! I drank the ocean water and it seemed all right. There is a kind of grass and some shrubs on the little islands. They bear tiny orange fruity things too-but they are poison. I found that out the hard way.

  "But-you're all right?"

  "I am now. I was getting hungry so I sniffed the fruit, it seemed all right. That was when I took one little bite and was very sick for a very long time. So I just stayed there on the island and took it easy until I felt a little better. I was thinking about seeing what was on the bigger islands as soon as I had the strength. There is the ocean of water here, but no food.

  I was beginning to get a little worried-and that's when I heard you calling. Now tell me what is happening, what it all means."

  A little worried! Any woman other than my Angelina would be a basket case left alone like this. I kissed her passionately which was very good.

  "Things have been very busy since you vanished. The boys helped me, but we couldn't get the job done alone. So we called in the Special Corps and Inskipp sent in the troops. As well as Professor Coypu and an agent named Sybil Who penetrated another fake church with still another Slakey. He seems to have multiplied- himself over and over again. We had a plan to find the machine he uses but Sybil and I were caught before we even got started. We ended up in a place called Hell. It's Coypu's theory that each of these places is in a different universe. Heaven is one, and Hell and this Glass are others. Then we set up a plan and I managed to get into another one of Slakey's front operations, trying to lay my hands on one of the machines for the Professor to examine. It didn't quite work Out as planned- which is how I ended up here."

  "You have been busy. Now tell me more about this Hell place and your companion, what was her name? Sybil?"

  I recognized that tone of voice and told her in greater detail about my visit to Hell. Sybil had only a brief mention and I think that I came out of it pretty well, certainly Hell had not been the time or the place for romance of any kind.

  "Good," she finally said. "And the last time you saw the boys they were enjoying themselves with this female agent. How old is she-about their age, you think?"

  There were daggers behind her words and I walked ever so carefully. Yes, would you believe it, exactly the same age as the boys. Mutual interests, nice to see. But it was even nicer to be with her here. Which led to some enthusiastic cuddling and no more talk of Sybil.

  "Enough," she said finally, standing and brushing the sand off her clothes. "With James and Bolivar in good health and enjoying themselves, Inskipp in charge of the investigation and Coypu busy inventing his brains out, we have no need to worry about any of them."

  "Correct-we worry about ourselves. Only we don't worry. One can die of thirst in three days, but we have an ocean full of water so that's not going to happen."

  "Yes-but you can also die of starvation in a month. And I'm beginning to get hungry." She pointed out at the larger islands. "There could be food out there. Why don't we take a look? I have had plenty of time to think about the situation here and I was going to do just that. Did you notice how all the crystal life-forms stay away from the shore?"

  I hadn't but I did now. "I'll bet you know why."

  "I do. I made a simple experiment. Whatever the living crystals are, they are not glass. They dissolve in water. Not right at first, it takes awhile. Then they get sort of soft and swell up, and eventually melt completely."

  "What happens when it rains?"

  "It never does. Look-no clouds."

  "And the water doesn't bother the other kinds of life here? I saw things swimming around in a rock pool."

  "Some of the green growths extend roots or something into the water. Meaning they are a water-based life-form like we are.

  "And might very well be edible," I said with growing enthusiasm. "While we can't eat the glass creatures, we might find something we can nosh on the islands."

  "My thinking exactly"

/>   I rubbed my jaw and looked over at the sandy beach on the nearest island, no more than two hundred meters away. Beyond the beach there were green growths of some kind, much bigger than the shrubs that covered the small island that Angelina had explored.

  "But we also have to think about leaving Glass," I said. "We should go back to that spot where I appeared. So Coypu can find us when he gets his machine working."

  "He can only get it working after he invents it and builds it," she said with great practicality. "I suggest that we leave a message there telling him where we are. Then do a little exploring. If we are going to be here any length of time we are going to need food."

  "My genius," I said, kissing her enthusiastically. "Rest and save your strength. I'll trot back and do just that." While I trotted, then slowed down as the oxygen got me giggling, I considered a vital problem-how was I going to leave a message? By the time I reached the clearing I had the problem solved. My wallet was still in my pocket and was filled with unusable money and valueless credit cards. With my current name on each one.

  In the clearing I used my shoes to kick and scrape clear a circle in the sand. In the middle of it I placed the wallet. Then, picking up the pieces of glass, with great delicacy using a fragment of shirttail, I constructed an arrow of colored fragments that pointed back down the path. With other pieces I spelled out the single word ISLANDS.

  "Very artistic, Jim," I said, stepping back to admire my handiwork. "Very artistic indeed. When our rescuers arrive they will figure that out instantly."

  I stepped over my announcement and went back to join Angelina. It was growing dark and she was sound asleep. It was warm and the sand was soft-and it had been a busy day. I sat beside her and must have fallen asleep as well, for the next I knew it was daylight and she was lightly patting my shoulder.

  "Rise and shine, sleeping beauty badly in need of a shave. Rise and drink your fill from the ocean, then let's swim over and see if we can find some breakfast."

  "Let me show you something," I said, removing the cloth bundle from my pocket. "Used my shirttail. Wrapped another piece of shirt around it to make a handle."